Confidence is often seen as a magical quality that some people just naturally have. I used to think that by merely trying to “build confidence,” I would suddenly feel brave and capable in every situation.

However, I learned the hard way that confidence doesn't work like that. It isn’t a one-size-fits-all trait, but it is more about how comfortable and skilled you feel in specific situations.

Many people mistakenly believe that confidence is something you can simply summon through positive thinking or affirmations. However, this approach often fails because it lacks a concrete foundation.

Imagine a high-wire act at a circus. Even the most "confident" person would feel scared walking on a tightrope without any practice or a safety net. This is because confidence is tied closely to our skills and experiences.

If you are skilled in an area, you will feel confident. If you are not, it's natural to feel unsure. Confidence isn't about "feeling" it; it's about knowing you can handle the situation. The good news, and the heart of practical personal development, is that confidence is something you can learn and develop. It’s not fixed or out of reach.

By focusing on improving your skills through deliberate practice and facing your fears step by step, you can gradually become more confident. This approach is much more effective than trying to make yourself feel confident out of thin air. It's about building a foundation, not a facade. Let's dive deeper into why confidence is situational and how you can make it work for you, practically.

Confidence depends on the situation you find yourself in. Even if someone is confident in one area, they may not be in another. For example, a person may feel great giving a presentation because they have done it many times. However, that same person might feel nervous at a social event where they don’t know anyone.

Think about how you feel in different places. At home, you feel relaxed and at ease because you know your surroundings well. On the other hand, going to a new school can make you feel anxious because it's an unfamiliar setting. This shows that confidence isn't a fixed trait but changes depending on your situation and experience.

Confidence also relies on your skills. If you have practiced and gotten good at something, you will feel more confident doing it. Great swimmers feel fine in the water because they have the skills.

But if you throw someone who can't swim into deep water, they’ll panic. Knowing that confidence is situational can help you understand why you feel the way you do in different scenarios.

Instead of "trying" to build confidence, do these two things:

Improving your skills can greatly increase your confidence. Here’s a step-by-step guide on how to do it:

Let's look at some examples of skills that can increase your confidence:

By focusing on skill development, you not only improve your abilities but also become more confident in those areas. This method is much more effective than just trying to “feel” confident without any solid groundwork.

Exposure is a powerful method for building confidence by gradually facing your fears. It's not about diving headfirst into the deep end but rather about taking small, manageable steps. By gradually exposing yourself to what scares you, your mind begins to process the situation as less of a threat.

Think of it like this: the first time you try public speaking, you might be terrified. But after a few presentations, the unfamiliarity fades, and the fear diminishes. This happens because your mind becomes familiar with the experience.

Over time, this repeated exposure reduces your anxiety and significantly increases your confidence in handling these situations. As you do something more often, you close the gap between high and low confidence, making those once daunting tasks feel routine.

This aligns with our evolutionary drive – our minds naturally shy away from the unfamiliar for safety, a trait inherited from prehistoric times when venturing into the unknown could mean real danger.

However, by consciously pushing past that instinct and consistently facing our fears, we not only build crucial skills but also re-wire our brains to recognize these situations as safe. Effectively, you're reinforcing a new, less fearful response.

And while this method is incredibly effective for specific fears, there are broader strategies to enhance overall confidence. If you're interested in learning more about these techniques, I've put together a free masterclass on building confidence.

Starting with small, achievable goals is crucial for building confidence. Small wins give you a sense of accomplishment and motivate you to take on bigger challenges. Here’s why small wins matter:

Here are some tips for setting and celebrating small wins:

I used to think confidence was a constant, like a personality trait. But I learned it's situational. You’re confident when you’re skilled and prepared. Like, I’m confident giving a presentation on a topic I’ve researched, but not about something I know nothing about.

This understanding changed everything for me. It meant I could actually do something about my confidence.

Here’s what I learned while working on my confidence:

Remember, confidence is something you can learn and grow. It’s about taking small, steady steps toward your goals. Don’t pressure yourself to feel confident in all situations right away.

Focus on gradual improvement, and your confidence will increase over time. This practical approach worked for me, and it can work for you, too.

Ready to boost your confidence effectively? Sign up for my free masterclass on building confidence with Maikel Michiels. You’ll get actionable tips and strategies to help you thrive in any situation. Take the first step toward a more confident you today!

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